I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My balls are so social today.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
