I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
