watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
