my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
