I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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