need another drink. this is the easiest way
i will never coherently bang her
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
