I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I believe in your delicious
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
