trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
