Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
