I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
