dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
