I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
