So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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