I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
