Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
