It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
