Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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