Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize