he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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