If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Come on in and take your pants off
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