he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
