This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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