To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
