Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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