My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
