dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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