Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
