I am in a vortex of obligation.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
