I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
