I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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