i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
