i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
