If i come over, it means nothing
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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