Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
