I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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