4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My breasts were aching with rage.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
