apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
