I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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