I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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