Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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