We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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