your parents love me but you hate me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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