I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
lets start a swedish sibling band together
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
