Life is so much better after having sex.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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