Pants 0. Shit 1.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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