eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
