P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
