I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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