i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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