We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
we should paint friendship bongs
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