and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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