just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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