2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
