I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
