Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
