I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
