so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
