I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
