why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
