We named our party play list daddy issues
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
