i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
