i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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