In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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