Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
