I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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