a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
