ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
