just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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