we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
