Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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