Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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